


iwaizumi is that a weed?

by shu_hxra



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M, Vines, a big fat vine reference, hanamaki stole daichis police uniform, iwaizumi smokes him, matsukawa calls 911 on a microwave?, oikawa turns into weed, this is for discord, weedkawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22817008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shu_hxra/pseuds/shu_hxra
Summary: oikawa tooru gets transformed into a weed because he quotes snoop dog so much.iwaizumi ends up smoking it to relief some stress.matsukawa catches him,shit gets real.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	iwaizumi is that a weed?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kawacult](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=kawacult).



there he was, oikawa tooru, wheezing at some snoop dog memes. this wasnt a first, the 3rd year had been obsessed with him for ages, ever since makki had sung the song...

*a month earlier*

makki was strolling around the house, his clout glasses stuck to his face and his adidas cap backwards on his head.  
"hey,hey mattsun," he giggled, knudging his boyfriend.  
"what is it hOE?" the black haired male giggled along, as his boyfriend clambered on the dinner table, where tooru and iwaizumi were sitting, and began singing it...  
"snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop snoop dawg! snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop snoop dawg!" and it gruelled on, for hours, and hours, days and weeks, and how did it all end? oikawa squirting fanta out of his nose and wheezing, then slipping over the spilt beverage and almost dying.

*now*

as time passed, he had began to feel weird, smaller, almost, his phone began to feel bigger in his hands, and now it couldnt even fit in his hands! a few minutes pass and he loses all of his limbs, and he felt extremely wrinkly and smelly. then, iwaizumi hajime walked over and stared at him;  
"haaaa?! iwa-chan why are you so tall?!" he exclaimed, but it seemed like hajime didnt hear him, as he shouted over his shoulder.  
"mATTSUN! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE WEED IN THE HOUSE! THIS IS MAHOGANY!" and he slammed his hand next to oikawa, grumbling to himself. matsukawa then entered, perplexed,  
"what're you talki- oh NO!" he screeched, earning a sharp 'what' from iwa.  
"he-he has the curse... the snoop...curse..."  
"what in the fuck is a snoop curse,"  
"hes been quoting snoop dog so much, he turned into a weed!"  
"a wh- WHAT?!"  
"eh, its not my problem," mattsun waved his hand, walking off into his bedroom swiftly. so, iwaizumi thought, what would happen if he smoked it? or him- per se. would the side affects still be evident-?

he investigated, bringing the weed into the kitchen and setting it against his lips.  
-  
meanwhile, oikawa squirmed, screeching that iwa-chan has dirty breath, and that his teeth are yellow, or that he has cavities. but of course, he wasnt heard. being placed between iwa-chans lips almost felt..like a kiss? it was funny, but this isnt a romance story oikawa!  
-  
while attempting to light the drug, matsukawa burst through the door.  
"iwaIZUMI IS THAT A WEED?!" he screeched, his bushy eyebrows furrowing.  
"no, its oikawa, like you s-" he attempted to explain, but was interrupted.  
"im calling the police!!!" mattsun whipped around, dialling 911 into the microwave,  
"what the fu-"  
"911 WHAT THE MCFUCKIN FUCK IS YOUR EMERGENCY?!" makki strolled in, wearing daichis police uniform? how did he even get that-? he was left pondering, as makki moved closer, examining the weed that was still held against iwaizumis lips. "is that oikawa?" he asked.  
"yeah."  
then, makki and mattsun both leaped onto the table, screaming 'snoop dawg praise our lord 420' over and over, until he felt an odd change, the thing between his lips wasnt papery, it was soft and pl-  
he was kissing oikawa.

*tHWACK!*

"thats what you get for being too obsessive, shittykawa!"

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is for a haikyuu discord server and the kawacult. youre welcome.


End file.
